Now, this is hard to explain:
I got out of the shower and dried off. I looked at my arm and for a fleeting second, I saw it differently. My consciousness was looking at “arm” from another perspective. Suddenly “arm” was a metaphor, or a distillation, of physical reality, only I was seeing it from a perspective that was not physical. In a flash, I understood in a way that I cannot explain intellectually, what it meant to be physical, what it meant to have come here, to have been seduced by this density like the weight of a lover, falling asleep on top of me.
When I say I understood, that is not quite right. Understanding is parceled out in digestible chunks. Those pieces of information that you can handle and assimilate bit by bit are what lets you know that you are doing a thing called understanding. Or sometimes the understanding comes by letting go of the bits; they peel away in layers. This experience was more like a giant bird pooping inside my head, and I was like, what the?…even as it was happening.
Anyway, I spent the next two days thinking about how amazing it is just to be here. Just to be. Just to feel the wind on your face and clean the dog and hold the flesh of another in your hands. And no, I was not stoned. I thought about how we all got what we wanted in coming here and how most of us have forgotten what a delight it is to just be with it all. It’s like, we made it y’all! Let’s dance! Let’s just celebrate this!
Children still get it, though. They are still with the mystery. And dogs, of course. (Some of my many dog friends are: Chulo, Neo, Tigre, Scooby, Pearl, Disco and Rachel-Pocket-Princess, Lucy, Hudson, Cali, Lady Jazz, Mila, Molly, Buckley, Miles, other Miles, Donny, Dancer, Sly, Trixie, Rudy, Georgia and Mason, Diego, Kitara, Punkin’, Tigger, Hula Girl, Cody, Moose, Chuck Norris, Sawyer and Lonely). I am rich, rich, rich.
Dogs can help you find It. They make you be outside a lot, and It is everywhere, but for me, especially in the Wind.
And It is a mystery, not because It is unfathomable which it is, but that It brings with it everything at once: a meal so long and large and tasty that we are lucky if we can swallow one savory bite.
And I want to be with this mystery all the time. It says my name over and over again. It calls me by every name I’ve ever had, from every lifetime and then some.
And I think It comes in such little glimpses because otherwise it would just bowl me over, but oh, how I want to be bowled over.
In order to catch It, I have to listen really hard and sometimes, I’m ashamed to say, I’m just too damn lazy. I watch way too much tv. Watching tv is easy. It’s like a slow painless death. To adjust my antennae to It, I have to find a place where It is not drowned out by traffic, though it is there too, and sometimes, if I tune myself just right on the inside, I can find It no matter where I am. All you have to do is ask for It!
And in this terrible economic time, I’ve been quitting jobs left and right just so I can have more time to listen to It. Try explaining That to your boss!
I have nothing against being physical. Well, that’s not completely true. Death and taxes, etc. But I dig it. I just want to come and go as I please. I suppose I do that in my own way. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I want to be able to maintain that perspective, the one I glimpsed when I got out of the shower, even as I’m focused in the physical realm. Yes, that’s it: to have the perspective of spirit when I am physical. That’s what I want.
And yes, I’ve heard it said that the physical realm is equal to the spiritual realm, so why not have the best of both worlds?