Letting Go

April 24th,

Still feeling the effects of the new moon, new.

This morning, I sat at the altar and spoke for a long time. I am ready to let go.

Then, while hiking in the Blue Hills, I saw a snake, coiled and still. I thought it might be a sign, but did it read as shedding or death? I nudged it gently with a stick. It lifted its head and stuck out its tongue. Very much alive.

Letting go of the past, of what might have been, has been such a long deal (seventeen years, give or take). For those years, I often had the idea of letting go, but now it is ripe in my heart.

Before me lies an unknown path. The unknown path has always been there. I’ve spent a good amount of time avoiding that way, but the unknown path is all there is.

THE UNKNOWN PATH IS ALL THERE IS. Anything else is illusion.

We are forever facing it. I am facing it consciously because the path I’ve known has become too heavy to bear a moment longer.

This unknown path, maybe, it’s what I am. I, you, we, are the path, and it never ends. You never get there. But we have to keep moving forward for its own sake.

I remember that time I got high with my Auntie in California. We were walking through the woods and came to a grand vista. I got stuck at this spot, simply because it was so beautiful.

I didn’t want to leave this beauty behind, so she gently took my head and turned it toward the direction in which we were walking.

“What do you see now?” she asked.

“More beauty,” I answered, and with that, we happily resumed our walk.

I learned in that moment that the beauty never ends. It is with us in every moment, eternal, supreme, unconquerable.

It’s as though the more certain forces try to define it, to colonize it, the more opposing forces rise to free it.

So today, I let it go, not because I fell out of love or was hurt by it, but because I love it. And because I love myself.

I won’t say what it is. You can fill in your own blank. We all have something to let go of, something to forgive.

Ashe.

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